Top 10 Ways to Improve Relationships

Have you ever wondered how would it be possible to improve relationships with kindness? Or what can you do on your part to improve relationships? For me, life is all about the relationships that we make and the close bonds we build, where kindness plays a major role.

Some of you must be dreaming, wondering, or thinking about what and how you can do to improve relationships and have a loving, secure, intimate, or open relationship with your families, friends, and lovers.

Remember, relationships thrive on kindness and love, and human beings are born in relationships, so essentially the lives we lead right from infancy to old age are fastened in the bond of relationships.

People often have a hard time in their relationships as they play the “I’m right and you are wrong” game, and start blaming each other instead of taking responsibility and practicing the act of kindness.

“Speaking with kindness creates confidence, thinking with kindness creates profoundness, giving with kindness creates love.” —Lao Tzu

Kindness to others and to yourself comes from a desire to support your own utmost good and the utmost good of others. You are genuinely kind when your uppermost priority is to support the highest good of everyone. You don’t even have to think about it, as it flows easily when your sincere desire is to be a caring, loving, and kind person.

However, when your deepest desire is to protect yourself from getting hurt, then your natural choice in conflict is most likely to attempt to control with blame, withdrawal, anger, compliance, resistance, or judgment.

When you extend kindness to others, you are really extending it towards yourself, as it leaves you a gentler, better, and more joyful person.

Whenever you want to improve relationships with kindness with your friends, family, spouse or any other person, you need to have noble, charitable thoughts, and should express more love. Mentioned below are 10 ways to improve relationships with kindness-

1. Love is the key
If you want to improve relationships with kindness, remember that love is the key part to making a relationship work, and kindness is a product of love. You cannot have a successful relationship, friendship, marriage, etc. without some degree of love. You need to try and become best friends with your spouse or simply a friend.

2. Be kind and sensitive
You are most likeable when you are kind, as people think of you as someone who is good to and for them. If you turn out to be the person people like, it becomes much easier for them to spend time with and around you. Also, learn to say something kind, some words of love (try out “I love you”!) and positivity on a daily basis. Remember, the more you give, the more you get.

Kindness also makes you more sensitive, as those who are kind don’t hurt the people they have relationships with, thus they are careful about how they treat them and are never harsh, or insensitive.

3. Start afresh
If you want to avoid petty, small, or even big arguments and problems in your relationships, you need to put such arguments or problems in the past or behind you. By doing so you are saying to yourself that the argument is over and it’s time to look for solution, look ahead, and start afresh.

I have practiced this often by focusing on the end results and how the problem is going to affect my relationship in a few days, months, and in the long run. This small shift in my thought process has helped me immensely to put the argument behind me, and focus on the solutions and make a huge positive impact in my relationship.

4. Show compassion and acceptance
To improve relationships, treat others the way you wish to be treated. We all yearn to be treated lovingly with respect, kindness, understanding, compassion, and acceptance. Though there are no guarantees, but often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. Kindness to others doesn’t mean self-sacrificing, but taking the task for yourself as opposed to blaming others is the most important thing you can do.

If you are always kind to your partner and to yourself, but your partner is always blaming, angry, unavailable, and withdrawn, then you need to accept it as a far off relationship, or you may need to leave the relationship. Remember, you cannot change your partner, you can only change yourself.

5. Learn rather than control
While trying to improve relationships, you will have conflicts. However, there are only two ways to handle the conflict- one is to remain open to learning more about yourself and your partner, and discover the root issues of the conflict or trying to win the battle so that you don’t lose, via some type of controlling routine.

Such controlling routines are ways to conquer others into behaving the ways we wish, but all the different ways that we try to control will develop more conflict. Remember to learn to become better yourself, rather than control others if you want to improve relationships with kindness.

6. Create time for fun and play
People make time for each other when they fall in love or meet for the first time. Similarly, to improve relationships, you need time to be together, to converse, to play, to develop trust in friendship, make love, share things, take walks, sit and talk for a few minutes daily, share a hobby, watch a program together, laugh and play, or just about do anything together.

You need to understand about the feelings, emotions, and care about the other person. And remember, intimacy flourishes when here is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy!

7. Practice gratitude
When there is an attitude of gratitude between two people, positive energy flows, whereas permanent complaints or nagging develops a heavy, negative energy all around. In order to improve relationships with kindness, learn what moves you and your partner, and practice to be grateful for what you have, rather than focus on what you don’t have.

Complaints always develop stress, while gratitude brings about inner peace, so it builds up not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

8. Appreciate and acknowledge
Small deeds of kindness matter, so learn to appreciate and acknowledge the kindness from your partner. A small note, a loving comment, or a phone call during the day may be all your partner needs. When we express and notice gratitude for the kindness shown to us, it strengthens the relationship.

9. Help each other
To improve relationships with kindness, learn to help each other out. For example, when one partner or friend finds decision making a tough task and seeks your help, the partner who is more decisive may be tempted to be angry or impatient. But, if we are wise we will patiently help our partner to make a decision. To help in the household chores, look after the kids, or take on your partners responsibility for the day are other ways to help each other.

10. Improve yourself
In order to improve relationships with kindness you need to take responsibility for yourself and improve yourself. This means that rather than trying to change your partner, you learn to introspect and examine your own feelings and emotions. Develop the required inner strength and power that builds you from within.

Once you learn to take the responsibility on yourself, you stop blaming your partner for things that upset you. This in turn helps you improve relationships with kindness and creates a beautiful relationship.

Kindness allows you to love, forget, forgive, and be loved in return. When you are kind yourself, you put the relationships first. So, with the above mentioned 10 ways to improve relationships with kindness, and with World Kindness Day coming around the corner, what deeds of kindness are you going to practice for yourself and your dear ones?

“You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.”  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Over to you- How do you try and improve your relationships? When you enter into an argument do you practice kindness or try to improve relationship with kindness or try to prove you are right?

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Top 10 Things Women Want You To Do In Bed

From talking with female friends informally, I know there are a few things which almost EVERY woman wishes men did more of in bed. Here are the top 10:

1. GIVING HER AN ORGASM BEFORE INTERCOURSE STARTS

This is far and away the biggest thing women wish men did more of in bed. Most men don’t do this – instead, they clumsily plow straight to intercourse as fast as possible. 

Woman in bed
This means that “foreplay” usually consists of a few minutes of obligatory kissing, followed by a few minutes of obligatory breast stimulation, followed by a few minutes of obligatory cunnilingus until the ultimate goal of intercourse is reached. This isn’t what women want! If you can give her an orgasm before you penetrate her, then it’s GUARANTEED to be good sex in her book, even if you don’t last as long as you’d like. And on top of this, giving her an orgasm will make her more responsive and MUCH more likely to have another orgasm during intercourse. Sex becomes better for you, and for her.

2. PAYING ATTENTION TO NON-OBVIOUS EROGENOUS ZONES

Most men only pay attention to the “obvious” spots on a woman’s body when trying to give her sexual pleasure, like the breasts, clitoris and g-spot. But women don’t want you to ONLY pay attention to these spots … they want you to pay attention to their WHOLE BODY. 

This is because there are 16 other “hidden” erogenous zones on her body which can give her pleasure, and which can actually make her MORE sensitive to vaginal stimulation. Most men don’t know about these … but if you’re one of the rare men who does, then she’ll be screaming your name in pleasure.

3. LASTING LONGER IN BED

We’ve been told that “women don’t mind if you don’t last that long in bed, as long as you’re good with your fingers” and that it’s OK for a man to only last a few minutes in bed. This is a big steaming heap of BS. 

Women HATE it when a man shoots off too soon because it prevents them from having orgasms. How would you feel if a woman got YOU close to an orgasm, then all of a sudden stopped, rolled over, and went to sleep? 

You need to know how to last 30 minutes in bed AT THE MINIMUM. If you really want to drive women wild, then you should learn how to last over an hour in bed. And of course you can have a “quickie” once in a while, but most of the time women will need a minimum of 30 minutes of intercourse to have multiple orgasms.

4. TEASING HER UNTIL SHE BEGS FOR IT

From many conversations and interviews with women I know the typical man in bed does almost no teasing. He just plows forwards directly to his goal of intercourse with no finesse, just doing the minimum necessary to get to penetration. 

What women want is for you do build up to a sexual action with teasing until she’s practically begging you for it. THEN give her the gratification. For example, with oral sex most men just dive right in. What would turn her on much more is if you kiss up her inner thighs, and breathe warmly on her vagina. Then, so lightly she can barely feel it, run your tongue over her clitoris. 

Do this until she’s pleading with you to give her more and THEN give her the gratification. She’ll enjoy it about a hundred times more. This leads into the next things women want more of in bed, which is…

5. MORE ORAL SEX

I’m constantly amazed by how many men have told me that they don’t give women oral sex that often, or that they don’t do it at all. The justification which I’ve heard so many times is “it’s OK, I’m good with my fingers.” 

This is like a girl telling you “I don’t give blowjobs … but it’s OK, I’m good with my hands.” It’s just not the same. If you know how to do it right, giving her oral sex is the fastest and easiest way to give her orgasms. Plus, once you make her finish through oral sex she’ll be MUCH more responsive during intercourse … and much more likely to go down on you. Give your girlfriend plenty of oral sex, and she will love you for it.

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10 Things men should never ask women

David DeAngelo, author of "Double Your Dating", says there is nothing worse than making mistakes that will later be regretted and one way to avoid them is to remember the following, Bullz-Eye.com reported.

First of all , a man should never ask a woman if he can kiss her, as she will only say, a man should never "ask" for a kiss.

Asking her for a kiss will only make a man look like a boy, which is what a woman is not interested in, and even if she says "yes", it could mean she is just being polite, while on the inside her attraction meter will read a firm, "No".

Secondly , a man should never ask a woman if he can take her out on a date sometime, as she would like to be with a man who is a leader and in control, not someone who asks her permission to hit on her.

A man should confidently ask a woman out, by simply saying, "We should hang out... what's your number?" or tell her about a specific place he wants to take her to.

Thirdly , a man should never brag about the car he has or the kind of house he lives in, as it would seem like he is trying hard to impress her.

Women would be far more impressed by a man's material possessions if he does not mention them in conversation.

The fourth thing a man should never ask a woman is what she wants to do for the night, as she likes a "man with a plan".

The man needs to have a game plan before he calls her, so as to ensure that she will not be burdened with having to think about what to do.

Fifthly, a man should never ask a woman if she likes him, as this is one phrase that turns off a woman completely.

He should just assume that she likes him, and never ask the question, as it would look like he has no confidence.

The sixth tip is that a man should never ask a woman why she never answered his message, as one, it would show that he cared she did not reply back, and two, it would give her a guilt trip, which is seen as insecurity by women.

The seventh tip is that a man should never ask a woman how many men she has slept with, as this shows that he is suffering from insecurity.

The eighth tip is that a man should never hint at a future date with a woman he has just met, as she not only wants but needs a guy who is somewhat of a "challenge", and will lose interest if she senses she has won.

The ninth tip is that a man should never end a phone conversation with a woman with a "next step", as firstly it would kill any spontaneity by being predictable, and secondly he would kill any chances of her calling him.

The tenth tip is that a man should never talk bad about a woman's guy friends especially if he hasn't met them and doesn't know her very well, as this is the fastest way for her to mark him as "insecure".

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7 Things men are perfect at

There are some things that men can do and women can't. There are many other things that women can do and men can't.

Like giving birth for instance. But, aside that, here's a compilation of seven things that men are so perfect at, that they can be really annoying. Enjoy!

Kissing in bed

1. Sexy morning voices: This one is definitely tops the list. Men have such seductive baritones when they wake up in the morning, while we women end up croaking like frogs. Although we are quite sure that the sexy 'morning voice' is directly proportional to the sexiness quotient of their normal voices, unofficial research has shown that men with reasonable voices end up with super sexy morning voices as well. Let's also imagine a George Clooney like face to go with that voice. Sigh.
   
2. Ability to give comforting hugs: There's no denying it. Embracing a man is like hugging a life size teddy bear. Only warmer. And human. Not only does everything feel like it will be OK, the world seems so much safer in that embrace. Know what's even better? The hug comes with a surplus - don't you just love the way they smell your hair?
   
3. Their uncanny knack of pissing you off and making you feel good at the same time: Alright, moving on. Only a man can achieve that impossible task of pissing you off and making you feel great at the same time. A classic example would be when a man watching a woman give birth says, "Does it really hurt that bad?" and then looks at your annoyed expression and immediately chirps, "But, I am sure you'll be brave honey." Well, at least he's thinking about having kids with you right?
   
4. Saying something completely inappropriate and still is charming : This one is a classic. And no, we're not talking about the cheesy pick up lines that go something along the lines of "do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again." We're referring to the smooth talkers here.
   
5. Ability to eat like a pig and not feel guilty about it: Ever seen a teenage boy wolf down an entire pizza by himself? Or a fully grown man helping himself onto a fourth helping of biryani? Heck, have you ever heard a man say he's "full"? Maybe they are blessed with excellent metabolism or maybe they are just built that way, they can eat gigantic quantities of food, and still work it off. We envy you for not having to worry about cellulite on your hips and thighs.
   
6. Their ability to fix things: We're not just talking about your feelings here ladies, we're referring to everything from light bulbs and fuse wires  to your personal computer and your mobile phone. Can you imagine what would have happened if they thought the 'chip' referred to Lays?
   
7. Gods of gaming: This one is again a given. They can beat women hands down in most videogames (unless we're talking about something that involves too much pink and needless to say a Barbie). In the words of one very wise man, "Men can destroy women at video games. Destroy!"

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5 Amazing Sex positions you don't want to miss

It's time to upgrade your sex life, and to get your partner turned on like never before.
We already knew that women love sex, but have we ever thought of sex positions women really enjoy or feel comfortable while reaching orgasm? There are many sex positions out there, only some of them give more pleasure to women.
Women are always ready to accept and enjoy men's favorite sex positions but women seldom ask for their favourite position(s). The time has come for men to understand what women really want in bed. Remember, great sex happens only when there is a smooth balance between pleasure and comfort.


We bring you five amazing sex positions you need to explore and women always wanted to have.

1. Get dirty with doggy style: Women definitely enjoy doggy style. It is probably one of the best sex positions, and also the most arousing position for men. Make sure to perform this style with intimacy and pleasure.

2. The overused style, missionary position: No doubt, the man-on-woman position is the most common one. It's boring but sex mostly begins with missionary position, and women still like it. In this position women get more intimate with their partners through eye contact.

3. Women like riding, cowgirl style: It's a big turn-on for both the sexes, and perhaps the sexiest sex position. Sometimes women like to dominate men during sex. In this position women can move back and forth and stimulate their G-spot for a big orgasm. You may also try reverse cowgirl position.

4. Get more intimate with spoons position: Side by side sexual position is one of the most comfortable sex positions, and it can really last long. Get naughtier by doing some dirty talk while you can.

5. Out of control, the standing position: Sometimes women want to jump out of the bed and play again in standing position. In this style, she sits on a surface and he thrust her from the front as deeply as he can, and in all likelihood gets the chance to hit the G-spot. Try this position in the kitchen or on a tabletop.

Simply go ahead and give your girl the most amazing orgasm of her life.

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5 ways to tell that a woman likes you

Life is short. So when you're out on the town meeting new women, no point in wasting time. How can you tell which ladies really welcome seduction? What clues do they give off? How can you tell which girl will be interested in you ? It can get very complicated when it comes to reading the signs a girl is sending. Mostly these signs consists of eye movements, body positioning, way of talking, pitch of talking and much more. Here's a guide to the things they say and do that mean they like you.


She makes eye contact: If you haven't met yet but catch her looking at you then glancing away, then checking back to see if you're still looking at her ... this is a sign, gentlemen! Even better: She keeps you in her keen peripheral vision (8 to 4 o'clock) or dispatches her friends to covertly track your moves. Yes, this sounds totally juvenile, but it never changes - no matter how old she is. Just make sure she's actually staring at you, not the Mahendra Singh Dhoni look-a-like next to you (or Dhoni himself, because nothing's more embarrassing than responding to her glances with your best sexy look only to find you're standing under the TV set during a good game).

She smiles, tells you her name and starts throwing off physical signals: Good signs are that she's ruffling her feathers: hair fluffing, twirling, extra giggling, strutting or wiggling around. And think you're so sly sneaking a peak at her cleavage? Dummy - she was letting you look. Meanwhile, is she politely shooing away people who drift in to interrupt? That's fantastic! She's trying to keep the party to two.

She searches for commonalities: Any. Thing. At. All. Favourite sweets you had as a kid, water sports, late-night sitcoms. And if you really seem to have nothing in common? She says, "Wow! I've always wanted to try that", regardless of whether you're going on about shark-cage diving or a pottery class. But if she frowns at you blankly, clearly having no clue what you're talking about, move on. She might actually do the moving on for you by enlisting her wing girl, introducing you both as lovers of water parks/Juicy Fruit/"Seinfeld", then diving off to the bathroom, never to return.

She touches you: That may mean she touches your shoulder when she leans in to talk or gives you a friendly jab in the ribs. Subtly test waters by letting your knee rest on hers. She lets it stay there? Score! If she's taking great pains not to let any part of her body linger near yours or if she recoils abruptly at your touch, even by accident, move on!

She's taking the interaction to another level;  By a) clarifying that she's talking about an ex-boyfriend, not a current one, when she says "we", b) asking open-ended questions about you that require long answers, and c) dissuading you from leaving and going to the next party (or at least being very forward in opining that you should come back if it's rubbish).

Content courtesy: Men's Life Today, India

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Is Your Date Into You?

It’s no secret that people spend a large portion of their time with a first date wondering, Does this person like me? And while you would think the signs would be clear, all too often they’re not. Even if your date has been smiling up a storm or raptly listening to your views on alternative fuel, he or she could just be acting interested and secretly hoping the evening will end soon. But that’s not to say you need to be in the dark about your date’s true feelings. It turns out there are many signals your date may send that give away what’s really going on. Here are some of those subtle signs that, at first glance, might seem like nothing… but could mean there’s a real connection and raging chemistry between you two.

Your date says your name more than usual.

Maybe your date says your first and last name, like, “So, Michael Malone, you up for a night cap after dinner?” Or maybe your date says just your first name three times, like “Jenna, Jenna, Jenna.” Either way, it can be a sign that your date feels so much chemistry, he or she can’t help but connect with your closest possession: your name. But only if your name is said in an enthusiastic way—not in a flat tone like the person behind the counter at the DMV. “Saying someone’s name is like a sign that you’re testing the magic you’re feeling, because you almost can’t believe they’re real,” says body language expert Patti Wood. “It also subconsciously elicits immediate focus from the person whose name is said,” says Wood, which is more proof of the chemistry: If your date is into you, he or she wants your full attention.

Your date squints at you.

If you watch reality dating shows like The Bachelor and all the rest, when one party harbors a crush on the other, they’ll give each other a cute little squint, usually followed by a smile. What gives? It’s an unconscious bit of body language that shows the person is searching for more info about you. “Squinting is typically a gesture of searching deeper into something or testing it,” says Wood. “The same way you’d squint at a diamond to see if it’s real, squinting shows you’re focusing harder to be sure it’s not just a mirage.” And that, she says, is a great sign. That coy little spy tactic shows that your date likes you so much, he or she is looking more closely to see if you could possibly be as great as you seem. (Obviously you are!)

Your date asks the “why” and “how” questions.

During dinner conversation, any polite date will ask you factual things about your family like, “So, do you have brothers and sisters?” But that’s not necessarily a sign they feel chemistry with you. It is a sign of chemistry, however, if they delve deeper and ask more probing questions. As in, “So, how did you get interested in accounting, anyway?” And “Why did you decide to move all the way across the country?” That’s one of the ways Jennifer Santana, 29, first noticed that she and her current boyfriend were clicking. “He asked questions about my family — not just the same old questions, but things like, ‘What are your parents like?’ People on first dates don’t really ask these kinds of questions unless they have some intention of meeting them some day.” These challenging questions are a strong sign that the person you’re with is seriously interested in you and not just making polite chit-chat.

Your date gets quiet midway through your time together.

Rather than taking your date’s silence as a sign your date has lost interest, it could actually be the opposite: Your date may be feeling such a pull toward you that he or she is lost in thought about it. “Sometimes, a person feels such a strong attraction that instead of nodding and following the conversation, he or she is just contemplating you,” says Wood. So the next time your date seems to have missed the whole end of your story, don’t cast the person off too quickly. If you really can’t be sure whether the distraction is a bonus or a sign of boredom, go ahead and ask. “Say to your date, ‘Hey, where’d ya go?’” suggests Sharyn Wolf author of Guerilla Dating. “If the person says, ‘What are you talking about?’ or acts defensive about paying attention, that’s not a good sign. But if you get a grin back and a, ‘Sorry, I guess I got distracted,’ that can be a great sign. It shows this new companion may have been imagining a future outing — or just a future — with you!”

You hear “you’re” a lot.

If your date says to you, “You’re awesome” or “You’re so funny” or “You’re a trip!” or “You’re something else…” then you’re very lucky! Personalizing your admiration or approval of a date means a lot; it’s a strong sign of attraction, while statements like, “That’s awesome” or “That’s funny” don’t mean as much. Using the word you means that the person feels chemistry with you, versus just grooving on your story-telling skills.

Your date gives you a token of the evening.

If your date gives you something you can hold onto and look at later, chances are he or she is feeling chemistry. Jennifer’s date once picked up a pack of matches from the restaurant they were in and said, “Here, for you.” He didn’t say, “Something to remember me by” or “So we’ll always remember this night,” but that, in fact, was the underlying message. It’s a sign that your date wants you to have something to remember him or her by… because clearly this person will be remembering your date as a great one.
By Amy Spencer.

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Best Top 10 Flirting Tips

Some people are natural flirts, but what if you're not one of those people? We've compiled 10 expert tips on flirting that even the most timid of singles can use.

1. Flirting is an attitude :A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive — it works!
2. Start a conversation : The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.
3. Have fun : Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.
4. Use props : Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, unusual ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper.
5. Be the host : Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you're the welcome committee
6. Make the first move : Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello.
7. Listen : You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.
8. Eye contact : Please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than a few seconds) and then glance away. Don't stare — it's a turn off.
9. Compliment : Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirter" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment, the best response is a simple "Thank you!"
10. Smile : It's contagious. Smiling makes you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You'll be a people magnet.
    
    By Fran Greene

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The Chemistry of Kissing

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… hang on a minute. No it isn’t! Because when it comes to dating, a kiss can change everything. Sometimes it’s spine-tinglingly magical and sends shivers from your neck to your toes. And sometimes, well, it feels more like licking a wet fish. While the chemistry you feel on your night out says a lot about how the kiss might go, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of butterflies, chills, fireworks, and other memory-making moments. Try these lip-smacking tips to make this the first of many kisses to come.

Read when the moment is right

Ever found yourself bumbling and mumbling at the end of a date, wondering if your attempt at a good night smack will be the kiss of death? You’re not alone. “This is, without a doubt, one of the most common questions people ask me,” says Sheila Lee, creator of advice site Kissingbooth.com. So how do you tell if someone would welcome a smooch from you? According to Lee, look for these signs: Is your date making tons of eye contact with you, or standing closer than a friend or business colleague would? If so, says Lee, this person probably wants you to go for it.

If you really can’t read your date, make yourself available for your date to make the move. Lee’s suggestions: Stand close to your date, and let your arm rub against his or hers. Face your date with your arms open, not crossed, to show you’re open to a kiss. Tell your date you had a good time, and ask your date how they felt. And most important? “Smile. A lot of people are turned on by a smile, which shows you’re comfortable with the person you’re with and happy. If your date thinks he or she is making you happy,” points out Lee, “then he or she is likely to think a kiss can make you even happier.”

Lock lips in a place where you don’t have to hold back

Yes, it’s romantic to kiss, say, out on a street corner, but if you’re not the PDA type, you might end up holding back during your kiss. And those unsure feelings could hold back a fireworks-worthy performance. The fact is, kissing signals our brains to produce oxytocin, a hormone that gives us that wonderful, weak-kneed feeling.And the chemicals that produced that feeling prompt you to want to kiss more and create more, like a love drug. To make sure nothing stops that chemistry-building chemical process, make sure you’re in a spot where you feel comfortable and safe, and you’re not worried about what you’re doing or who’s watching: Move inside a doorway, behind a column, into a quiet room, or in the front seat of a dark car. That way, you and your date’s bodies will be free to do what they’re — ahhhhh, sigh, melt — supposed to.

Make eye contact before, during, and after your kiss

Eye contact immediately ups the intimacy level of any sexual act, say experts—so if you’re smooching with your peepers shut tight, you could be missing out! Even recently-single singer Jessica Simpson is a fan of opening her eyes during a smooch. “I love to kiss with my eyes open,” she’s said. “It’s kind of weird because you might only see one eyeball, but it’s amazing what you can see through someone’s eyes. It sounds clichéd, but the eyes really are the window to the soul.” So, before you go for gold, take a few seconds — one Mississippi, two Mississippi — to look at your partner eye-to-eye and establish this is a special moment between the two of you. After you first kiss, pull back, open your eyes, really look at your date, then kiss again. Then, open your eyes once during the kiss to bring the personal touch home.

Feel free to talk a little

Kissing is such a strong language, it’s easy to wonder: Does yapping in between smooches ruin the moment? Not always. In fact, says Michael Christian, author of The Art of Kissing, sometimes words can help ratchet up the chemistry. According to his research, the absolute number one sentence that kissers most like to hear: “You’re such a good kisser.” Following that, he suggests you also say either, “You’re so beautiful,” “You’re so hot,” or “I never want to stop kissing you.” These kinds of words do two things. “One, they show that you’re serious about the particular person you’re kissing, and that it’s truly personal,” says Christian. “Two, it communicates that you’re in the first stage of what your body wishes was a bigger, closer connection. Your feelings are so huge, you’re having to hold back. This says it’s not just a kiss, it’s the start of something incredible.” Let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to know they’re causing that?

Keep your hands to yourself

Sometimes we get so caught up in the human contact of a kiss, we grip our partner’s neck, reach around his or her back, run a hand along a thigh, and do all sorts of a grabby things over and, ahem, under clothing. The only problem? Sometimes all that touching is actually detracting from the kiss, say experts. A kiss, on its own, can sometimes be powerful enough. So, try keeping your hands to yourself for a few minutes, kiss and only kiss, and see how the chemistry takes over.

Don’t forget to use your nose

Some anthropologists believe that kissing evolved from sniffing, as some indigenous cultures rub noses rather than kissing, points out Vaughn Bryant professor of anthropology at Texas A&M University. “Turns out that we have very powerful musk glands right underneath our eyes, and each person has a distinct smell,” explains Vaughn. “Kissing got started by people smelling each other and they would rub across the nose. Touching the lips was a natural outgrowth.” Sampling another person’s scent is a primal urge we share with other animals (including moles, dolphins, turtles and dogs), so take a moment to breathe in your date to kick the connection up a notch.

Convince your date to try the kiss your way

You loved the dinner, you laughed the whole way home, and you were living for the good night kiss… until you got it. Turns out your date doesn’t kiss the way you do. Has your chemistry fizzled for good? No way! So what’s the best way to get your styles more in synch? Don’t ever say, "I don’t like the way you kiss" that will be a big blow to the ego, and will make women self-conscious the next time you kiss.” One option is to make the issue about you, by saying something like, "I like to kiss a little different than most people" which will make them feel at ease (kind of like the old-fashioned “It’s not you, it’s me” line). Or, suggest you both branch out and experiment so that they won’t take the change in kissing personally. Say, ‘I want to try something" and then initiate a kiss the way you want it.

By Amy Spencer

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The 10 Best Places to Kiss

You lucky single person, you - your dating days are full of adventure and kisses shared in dimly-lit restaurants and on street corners. But where, we wondered, are the very best places to lock lips? You already know about the beach at sunset, under the mistletoe and right smack dab on the mouth. Here, more superior smooch sites to check out when you're ready to make out.

1. On a roller coaster : Yes, love has its ups and downs, but that's what keeps it exciting. Kiss at the crest of that first big hill and hang on to each other as you plummet - talk about a rush!
2. On your desk : Research shows that as many as 61 percent of relationships start in the workplace, and 50 percent of office amours lead to marriage (that includes this writer!). So if you're flirting by the coffee machine or bantering at brainstorming sessions and it isn't against company rules, take it to the next level (after hours, please; discretion is important!). Don't have a desk job? Find the nearest supply closet.
3. At a museum : Appreciating a beautiful work of art together can create passion. Why waste it? Give in, whether inspired by Picasso's The Lovers at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C., or a romantic, moving piece at a local gallery.
   
   
4. In the middle of a crowded street : Preferably at rush hour on any given Monday. Life can be mundane and hectic at the same time, but a sweet, juicy kiss can make an average moment special.
5. In a dressing room : Are you the type who's turned on by the idea of a public display of affection but would prefer some darned privacy? The dressing room rendezvous affords the best of both worlds. Plus, it has illicit allure (sneaking someone in where he or she technically isn't supposed to go) without setting off theft detectors.
6. On a pile of coats : Preferably, with a stranger you met at the party. It's a mating rite of passage everyone should experience at least once. Guaranteed to irritate other guests!
7. Upside down : You don't need Spidey skills to pull it off. One person simply sits in a chair and tilts his or her head back while the other person approaches from behind, bends over and plants one. Or try it with one person lying on a couch, head against the armrest, and the other person standing above and leaning over. It's a little awkward, a little weird - and absolutely wonderful.
8. In the backseat : Find yourselves a lover's lane, climb into the passion pit, and neck till you steam up the windows. It's retro romantic.
   
   
9. In a downpour : Yes, kissing in the rain is kind of cliche, but if you haven't tried it, please do. The reason this kiss rules? Everyone else is frantically running for shelter, which makes time seem to stop for the two of you. It's surreal, and very sexy.
10. In bed, while one of you is asleep : You know from fairy tales that the kiss that awakens can lead to happily ever after. There's simply no lovelier way to wake up. As the kisser, however, you're advised to refrain if the kiss is recuperating from a double shift after a bout of insomnia.
    by Nina Malkin

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Secrets of Great Conversation

Making successful small talk with someone you've just met isn't rocket science, but it does demand more effort than tossing out a tired opening line. The added pressure of a social situation — a date, a party, an encounter at a singles club — may tie your tongue into knots. The best thing is to ignore what's going on around you and concentrate on the person at hand. If you show that you are interested, you'll be surprised how quickly people open up.

To get the ball rolling, here are five practical principles for starting a conversation when you don't know what to say.

Flattery will get you everywhere

Make with the compliments to begin on a positive note. People are inclined to think well of you if you indicate you think well of them. The trick is picking out what to compliment without including some kind of sexual connotation.

Props

Women work hard choosing their accessories, and anyone who notices wins points. "Those shoes are sensational. Are they comfortable?"

Check out a guy's tie, glasses and watch. Look at his feet. I have a mild-mannered cousin who indulges himself by choosing socks with wild patterns. Always carry a book or newspaper. Then, if your new acquaintance doesn't have anything obvious to remark on, you have, "Have you read this?"

Redirection

People love to share their enthusiasm for their hobbies. If you meet someone jogging, see if you can spark some shoptalk. And vice versa. If you're at work, ask them what they like to do to relax. Try to discover what is not obvious—the mind in the sexy blonde, the animal in the geek.

Ask more than yes/no questions

A question demands a response, which is the essence of conversational give-and-take. But a yes/no query can bog you down in monosyllables. Think like a reporter: Ask who, what, when, where and why. Instead of, "Did you see the latest Bruce Willis movie?" try, "What did you think of it?"

Listen, really listen, to the other person.

Shy people who have trouble making conversation are so anxious about what they are going to say next that they don't listen to what the other person says. Every answer to your intriguing questions opens up new conversational avenues to explore. Follow up on those leads. As an added bonus, the more you concentrate on the other person, the less your palms will sweat, the fewer words for you to stumble over. And your new acquaintance is bound to be charmed by your astute appreciation of his or her own sterling qualities.

By Marcy Barack

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How to survive a holiday breakup

Break ups are all the more difficult to handle when they happen during festive season, when the rest of the world is busy celebrating.

None of your friends have the time to sympathize and listen to your sad tales. But all is not lost. Here are a few tips to help you get through the holidays.Break up during the holidays can be stressful enough. Before you go into hiding and decide to boycott the fun, get back on track with these tips for handling a split.

Bond with your family

Use your newly found single status to bond with your family. If you were with your ex, you'd have to sacrifice you time with your family to be with him. But now you don't have to. Take it positively by thinking that you won't have to miss out on your family time anymore.

Reach out to friends

When you're single, you often spend much more time with friends, and now is the perfect time to reconnect with your social circle. Spend time with your friends. Make the most of your time with them and let them cheer you up.

Better yourself

Take the time to re-focus your attention on bettering yourself. You have a lot of time to reflect on your life and get things sorted. Use this downtime to focus on you. Read inspirational books, maintain a dairy or work on a creative project. Use this time off to grow your relationship with yourself and begin the New Year with a fresh attitude.

Be of help to others

The best way to put your breakup into perspective is to help others. When you're single you have a great opportunity to share your love with those who need it most. You can volunteer at an NGO event or wrap gifts for underprivileged kids. Helping others will make you feel good and pull you out of your post-breakup rut.

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Why men, women can't think alike

The battle of the sexes starts in the brain's speech centre, Alan Pease tells Bachi Karkaria

Gloria Steinman said, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". Not knowing the secret cycling desires of bassa and sea bass, I cannot vouch for the total truth of this remark. But, since nature didn't use the hermaphrodite earthworm as the model for human sexual wiring, and happily chose to put different circuitry into our two genders, we do have to deal with blown fuses all the time.

Scientists, sociologists and agony aunts have made a lifetime's search and living from the man-woman equation. Through different math, and varying degrees of scholarship, they have arrived at conclusions which ordinary couples discover on a daily basis: namely can't live with, can't live without.

So everyone has had to enter into a conspiracy of convenience and shrug that common ground is unattainable because the thinking processes of the two genders are as manifestly different as their genetalia. The American Jhon Gray passed the buck on a cosmic scale with his seminal book Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The more down to earth British-Australian couple, Allan & Barbara Pease, have produced such bestsellers as Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps and Why Men Need Sex and Women Want Love, apart from The Definitive Book of Body Language.

At the recent Mumbai Fully Booked: The Times of India Literary Carnival, I shared the stage with Allan Pease. The very attractive Barbara was on her own lecture circuit, which is just as well, because the two together would have been too formidable a match.

The main point of conflict according to Allan (and Barbara) is that when women talk, they are merely 'downloading'. Their men, whose thought paths are quite different, think that they are seeking solutions and so offer what they consider to be sage and superior advice. Women, interrupted in midflow, are furious; the men are bemused/ offended; one accusation leads to another; and before you know it, as Allan put it, the 'man is forced to go camping'.

The Pease theory attributes the 'You don't talk to me/ Don't interrupt me/ You don't listen to anything' conundrum to the 'scientifically proven' fact that 'speech centres' in the male brain are few and far between. So, men have to grope for a response. Indeed, they subconsciously have to go on a massive search and self-rescue mission before being able to produce a meaningful sentence. On the other hand, there's such a profusion of speech centres in the female brain that they can unleash a verbal barrage without a second thought.

This is why a five-year-old girl will prattle away, and a boy at that age will be dragged into therapy by his anxious mother. Sons only catch up when their (better) spatial ability and logic is called for, when they start doing math and science.

According to Pease, women in a group will all talk at the same time - and all of them will be hearing, and following, everything, whereas a man will have completely lost the plot. That's because men instinctively wait their turn before speaking (a theory totally disproved every night on our television news channels).

The Peases use the Rodin Factor to explain one more area of malefemale discord. They say that the iconic 'Thinker' could only have been sculpted in the male form. Men need to go up on a figurative rock to think over their problems - and they have to do so in solitude. Another man would never dream of hauling himself up there to help him out. A woman on the other hand, will instinctively clamber up to offer him solace if not solutions, and will immediately be pushed off. Result: sulks and, yes, the camp cot.

It's easy to dismiss much of this as being patronising - or just pat. Yet, if the two sides did accept these basic differences in wiring, there would be fewer domestic explosions. But then how can a woman think like a man? And how could a man ever deign to think like a woman?

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First date dos and don'ts

Yes, the day you have been waiting for has come true. Someone has asked you out and you want to look your best and make that first impression so it can last forever. Nervous? Don't be. For, here are a few to make you feel comfortable.

Clothes make the man: This is the universal truth. Though we don't mean man literally here, it applies to women too. To be comfortable, it's important that you wear something in which you are comfortable. You may want to borrow your friend's stiletto heel to fake your height, but remember no experiments on first day. It's all about who you are, so don't wear anything that makes you conscious.

Choose a good deo/perfume: Body odour is a major put off. How you smell matters a lot. And for guys and girls who smoke, make sure you brush your teeth or have a gum in your teeth to keep your breath fresh. Use your regular deo or perfume. Remember what smells good on your friend may have the same effect on you. So it's safe to be original.

Choose a quiet place for meeting: This is your first meeting so make sure the place you are going to hang out is not crowded where you have to shout to hear each other. Remember this meeting is for you to know each other better, so your first stop should be at a quiet place.

Be modest: Don't let the conversation be all about yourself. You are not there for a job interview so let the other person talk. Once you reach a comfort level, you can be at ease to begin your self-boasting session.

Speak about mutual interests: This helps for future meetings. Should you both have interest in music or books, then perhaps you both could go book shopping or attend a music concert together.

Keep your cell phone away: Unless absolutely necessary, do not fiddle with your cell phone. This will only distract you both away from the conversation. Make full use of the time to talk about each other's interests.

Graduate: Both of you are mutually interested, do not have anything to talk, but want to keep company. Then you can perhaps take off to a movie so that you can have little conversation, but enjoy each other's company. A word of caution: Don't choose a drama or horror movie. Comedy or even romantic (if you both are up to it) genre would do.

Exchange contacts: You wished the day lasted forever, but alas it has ended! All is not lost yet, exchange email ids and telephone numbers. You can perhaps also add him/her on your facebook. Her facebook should give a better insight into the real person!

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Relationship Advice for Men - Why It's Okay To Take Things Slow Sometimes

One thing in relationship that most men seem to have in common is the need to try and rush things when they feel like they have fallen in love with a woman. You might think it would be noble to rush into things without thinking about it when it truly is love, but that is not always the best decision that you can make. In fact, quite often it can lead to many more problems than to solutions.


The urge to rush when you feel as though you have found the "one" is nothing new. Even back in the earliest times of written history, there have been tales of guys falling for a woman and deciding not to waste one moment as they knew it was the right woman for them. While it may always work out in fairy tales and other historically romantic literature, in the every day relations... it can sometimes backfire on you.
Here are some reasons why you may want to take it slow sometimes:
1) Rushing into a relationship with a woman can cause you to see her only through rose colored glasses.
Many men who end up with a woman who turns out to be nothing but trouble for them made the mistake of taking things too fast and not slowing down when they should have. Because of this, it can be easy to see a woman through rose colored glasses, as in... you see only the good that you want to see and ignore the rest. If she truly is the right woman, then she would still be the one if you were to wait things out. And in doing so, you can get a chance to see what she is really all about and possibly avoid ending up with a woman who is nothing but trouble.
2) You also don't want to make her feel that you possibly are in desperation mode.
A guy can give off a desperation vibe in a relationship if he is not careful and he is trying to move things too swiftly with a woman. As you should already know, desperation is not a virtue in the eyes of most women. By taking things a little bit slower, you can make sure that you are not giving off that desperation vibe that so many other men end up giving off.
3) Variety in your relationships can allow you to get a real taste of what you really want in a woman.
This is another key reason why taking a relationship slow can be a good thing. Rushing into a relationship also usually means making a commitment very quickly, and that can be bad if you don't have a lot of experience in dating. You need to gain some experience in order to really get a taste of what attributes you are really fond of in a woman and the slower you go, the less likely you will end up settling down too soon without getting that taste of variety that you need to have.
These are all very good reasons why it can be a good thing to take things slow with women when it comes to relationships. Keep in mind that although your feelings for a woman is one today... you may not feel that way tomorrow.

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