5 Lies that women tell men

Here's a little help for men to figure out when their gal isn't being completely honest with them. Our tips help to decode female behaviour...

Though a recent study claims that a woman's face is like an open book that reveals her state of mind, but men need to beware!

Better not take it as the last verdict, for irrespective of how much you trust and adore your little angel, women do lie to their significant others at times.

Sometimes to carry off a situation without hurting his feelings or to save herself from trouble, while on occasions to contain her emotions and pose as Ms. Goody...popping casual, white lies is no big deal for women when it comes to playing it safe in the relationship.

White lies are no big blunders or massive betrayals, but small lies or 'truth manipulated' to handle a situation. At times she might fib to make her man feel better, to avoid a fight, or an embarrassing situation.

Here's a little help so that men can figure out when their adorable darling is not speaking her heart out and help them handle the situation with care...

Lie #1: "Oh! It's fine. I'm OK"
Guards on guys! You must know that she's not fine at all and nothing is OK. And sooner or later you will have to bear the burnt of her pent up emotions that she has somehow managed to hold back until now. You'll find her taking this emotional defense on occasions when you may have forgotten her birthday, taken her for granted or have done anything that hurts her.

"Whenever my girlfriend lets go off my not so fatal error with a cool 'it's fine', I know it's nothing but the calm before a cyclone that I am fated to face in the time to come," shares Sandeep Sharma, a Delhi-based management student.

To portray that she doesn't care, the emotional lady prefers taking a refuge in this lie. Charu Marwah, a software engineer admits, "I prefer staying that 'It's OK' because if I react I'll be blamed of being a constant cribber, who is in complaining mode always. Though, I actually want him to go down on his knees and plead forgiveness."

Lie detector: Well, an experienced lover would know of the crime that he has committed, but the amateurs should look out for her reactions. She might not get vocal, but will do everything to make you feel guilty about the fact that you have hurt her. From being tight-lipped to giving the briefest responses that don't go beyond 'hmms, huhs or yes and no', to mean tones and loads of sarcasm - are a few hints that you can look out for. "Women have a tendency of expecting their man to understand the said, as well as the unsaid, and that leaves men in a dicey situation. And even here, by keeping quite or going away with a small 'I'm fine', she expects him to know that she's hurt," explains psychologist, Dr. Aruna Broota.

Lie # 2: "I love you for what you are"
...and I don't want you to change. Well, may God be your saviour if you believe her for this. No wonders, if sheer pampering or impressing you might strictly be on her mind when she's saying this. "I just loved my wife whenever she averred this phrase. But gradually the knick-picking started and reality dawned upon me. At times it was my eating choice that bugged her, while at others it was my dressing style that she wanted to improve. Yet she continued to tell the blatant lie that she loved me for what I was," complained Madhukar Suhas, a Mumbai-based advertising professional.

Agreed, that you don't like this lie. But just imagine how it would feel if on your face she told you much she hated your paunch or how bad you looked in those lose-fitted denims. Thank her appreciating you taking care of your confidence levels.

"What do I do? I have to blow his trumpet when he does the right thing. After all, it was his qualities only that I married him for. And also, it becomes important to boost his confidence at times and those words just have the right impact," says Madhu Chandra, a Delhi-based-teacher.

Lie detector: If you start observing the occasions when she backs this mushy phrase, you might just realise she's not lying at all. On most of the occasions it comes when you have made her happy with anything like a gift, a movie, a romantic dinner or for that matter by doing anything and everything that she loves. You were good to her and that's your innate quality, which made her fall for you.

Lie # 3: You stare, I don't care!
Either you are too lucky to have the coolest woman by your side, or you are getting an inflated ego without any reason if you believe her on this. No matter how hard she tries to look cool and composed, but the fact remains that no woman loves it when her man ogles at another woman. "After all, who wants to feel like second best? And the 'I don't care attitude' is usually to hide the vulnerability and a pretence. Most women hate their man staring at another woman," confesses Radhika Khattar, a Delhi-based housewife.

Lie detector: She doesn't want to show you how she's feeling and is no less desperate to tell you that you are torturing her to the core. Well, easy indications to know she's lying can be the trail of questions she'll end up asking you. Casually and candidly she'll ask you things like 'Isn't she hot?' 'What makes her so hot? 'Did you like her?' She might appear to be your best buddy, but actually she wants to ask you, 'Do I score less that the chic you are ogling at?' And your answer will decide your fate not immediately, but definitely in the future, so better beware of what you say!

Lie # 4: Your friends are cool!
This might not be a lie always, but many a times your friends are nothing but a 'passion spoiler' for your girl, especially when they pop up during private moments. "When we started dating, on many occasions we went out with my friends. And every time I used to ask her, 'I hope you are enjoying?' she answered, 'They're cool!' The real shock came when one day I was planning another group date and she gave me a good piece of her mind. It's then that I realised that she didn't love them as much I thought she did. But she could have initially told me," says Rajat Sarin, a 20-year-old college student.

"Most of the times women end up praising your friends for you. They don't want to hurt you by revealing the truth and hope that you'll understand without saying, which usually doesn't happen," explains psychologist, Dr Sameer Parekh.

Lie detector: A sure shot hint to the lie is written on her face. Despite being in the group she'll remain an outsider. The smile that's usually worth a million dollars might just look purely artificial and forced. Her replies to all your enquiries will end in a cover up lie, 'I'm fine sweet heart' or 'I'm enjoying myself' and that takes you to Lie #1. So, when you get something like this from your girl, understand that you are getting into too much buddy-bonding!

Lie # 5: Tell me, trust me I won't get angry
This one is tricky, leaving you with a ditch on one side and a bigger ditch on the other. This lie is usually thrown at you when she wants an honest opinion and knows what it can be, but still wants to hear it. Beware guys! Irrespective of what you say, she is going to get furious for sure. This usually happens in questions related to her looks, the food that she cooks, that tangy orange shirt she brought for you etc.

"Sometimes it is tough to handle. Once, my wife asked my honest opinion on a super tight dress that she had worn. And, I told her honestly that she was looking like a stuffed pillow and she was mad at me. Taking cues from my past experience; on another occasion I did my best to flatter her. To my sheer surprise, even that made her angry and she blamed me for not being a fair critic," complains Suraj Malhotra, a Delhi-based architect.

Lie detector: Well, there's no detector for this one, for undoubtedly she's lying. Then what's the solution? Answers Parekh, "It's not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner, rather than a striking taunt on her looks. So, without being too critical or over flattering, just tell her that she needs to work out on her minuses."

PHEW! This was from us. Now it's your turn to share the sweet and salty white lies that you tell your man or your wife pours on you to leave you playing a guessing game of truth and false.

charu.amar@indiatimes.co.in

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10 Things women wish men understood ( add into relationship advice for men)

Women and men are as different as chalk and cheese. Men always find it difficult to understand women. Or so they proclaim.

But believe us, we are not that difficult to understand. Just try to keep the communication channel open and see how things fall into their place. Here's a guide of some of the things women wish men automatically understood (and remember it's neither astro-physics nor micro-biology).

1. We know men are low in EQ (Emotional Quotient) but make an effort to understand emotions. But remember we don't like men who can't control their emotions. Cry babies (oops men) are not what we are exactly looking at in life..

2. When we talk, pay attention to what we are saying. Don't just nod your head and continue watching the cricket match on television.

3. Your mother might be great in the kitchen and can whip up gourmet dishes in no time. But sorry we can't go on listening to your running commentary on her remarkable culinary skills.

4. We believe in the power of communication. So, talk, fight but don't just go into 'silent' mode. Leave that mode to your mobile phones.

5 All of us love a dash of chivalry in our partners. So be courteous and show us that you are well brought-up.

6 Don't brag. Showing off really acts against you. Be subtle about your fat pay packet, your swanky car and the like. That shows your class.

7. Don't think that you own us. So, behave accordingly. Like men folk, we also like our own space.

8. Romance comes naturally to us. We love it when a man expresses his love. So, please show us that you love. Say it through flowers, dinners, gifts and of course count surprises as an important element of our DNA. Understand these basic points and act accordingly

9. Don't try to give us lessons on moral science. And for heaven's sake don't comment on a low-neckline dress. That's a very cheap thing to do.

10. Don't crack jokes on our family members, close friends. Show your great sense of humour with a touch of sensibility..

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What women expect from men during menses

Given a chance, every man would want to disappear into oblivion during 'those' days of the month when their woman is menstruating. Reason: PMS-pre menstrual syndrome, which is dreaded as a nightmare by most men as the poor beings are subjected to irrational fits of anger, incessant screaming and shouting, crying without reason and bouts of depression.

So, rather than running away from the problem, which obviously you can't (and dare not), why not handle it in a smarter way that will ease your lives? We'll tell you how.

- Firstly, understand that it's not the person, but the hormones which play the brat. Your woman is bound to feel cranky and irritable. So be co-operative and try to understand her problem. Be smart enough to read the signs that will lead to anger or add up to her frustration and nip the reasons in the bud. Even though you find her behaviour funny at times, never ever make the mistake of joking around or teasing her about it. Lest you want to be crucified! And remember, as a guy you can never experience her agony.

- Doing things that she does not like you doing, can otherwise be tolerated. But this is certainly not the right time. So behave like a good boy. Keep up to your promises, don't be late when you meet her and things should be fine.

- You can also lessen her burden of work by helping her in the kitchen, paying her bills or running errands for the things that are required.

Gynaecologist Shyama Kothari says, "Periods often make women feel heavy and uncomfortable. So it's better if her man treats her special during those few days. Even if she's not looking her usual best, tell her how lovely she looks. Women feel insecure, lonely or depressed during that time. So making extra efforts to assure her of your love, and her worth will not cause any harm. Also, buying her a surprise gifts is a good idea." An important point that Dr Kothari makes is to avoid socialising. She adds, "The heaviness due to water retention causes a temporary weight gain. So usually party wear or tight fitted clothes feel tighter and uncomfortable. Also staying up late at night can aggravate the situation."

Women also tend to crave for sugary foods like chocolates during this time. Rather than commenting on the calorie aspect, it is advisable for men to join them in their sinful indulgence sessions to make it fun. Giving a relaxing head, foot or back massage to soothe her tensed nerves can work well too.

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Love not enough for marriage!

Love has no major role to play in keeping couples together. In fact, the chances of a couple staying together are affected by age, previous relationships – and smoking. That’s the conclusion of a new study, which was conducted by researchers at the Australian National University.

To reach the conclusion, boffins spent six years monitoring 2,500 couples who were married or living together, reports The Daily Express.

The study found that money played a major factor in deciding whether a couple stand the test of time. The study, entitled What's Love Got to Do With It, showed that a quarter of partnerships and marriages will end within six years and half will be over within 25 years.

It also found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Couples were twice as likely to split if the wife had a much stronger preference for children or for more of them. Smoking and drinking rates also contributed to relationship breakdown, the study found

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First Dates: Dos and Don’ts To Create Chemistry

Tonight is the night: You’ve dressed in your finest, popped a breath mint, and are headed off to meet someone who could be The One. Few moments are as pivotal as this initial rendezvous, and that holds true whether you met online, were set up through friends, or swapped numbers at a bar last Saturday. So: How do you get that all-necessary chemistry crackling between you as quickly as possible? Believe it or not, it’s not all up to fate. Anthropologists, body language experts, and other pros say there are plenty of strategies you can use to help your date relax, to build rapport, and even to instill a flutter of excitement. Try these tactics for a few instant sparks.

1. Plan an activity that’ll get your heart racing—literally
   There’s a reason scary movies make for great dates other than the excuse to squeeze someone’s hand: Frightening experiences get your pulse racing, adrenaline flowing, your face flushed—and these physiological responses bear a striking resemblance to sexual arousal. "The mind mistakes any sort of arousal for sexual attraction, and will attribute this excitement to whomever you're with," says David Givens, Ph.D., an anthropologist at the Center for Nonverbal Studies. “In fact, in one study where men met women on a bridge high above rushing water, subjects were more attracted to each other than those who met elsewhere.” Not that we’re recommending you meet there exactly—roller-coaster rides or a hike up a steep woodland trail should do the trick. Even the sweat you work up while eating spicy food can get you hot under the collar for each other, so consider suggesting Mexican or Thai for dinner.
   
   
2. Mirror, mirror…your date
   
   Want to convince the person sitting across from you that you two are totally on the same wavelength? Easy—just make a point of subtly mimicking their body position and the pacing of their movements, recommends Jay Arthur, author of Attracting Romance. "Sit the way your date is sitting, tilt your head the way he or she does, talk at the same speeds,” he suggests. On a subconscious level, people find similarity comforting, which paves the way for a stronger connection.
   
3. Dwell on pleasurable experiences
   
   Sure, engaging your date in a lively debate about the pros and cons of the Patriot Act may be intellectually stimulating, but an intimate conversation isn’t about impressing someone with your smarts: It’s about getting your date to tap into his or her sensual side. So, steer clear of topics that involve facts and figures and get your honey mulling over more pleasurable thoughts instead. Questions like “Do you have any summertime vacations planned?” or “What would you say is the best meal you’ve ever had in this neighborhood?” will easily get you both in a better frame of mind to bond. "Talking about awe-inspiring experiences and the attached emotions — seeing the Grand Canyon, for instance — lets you relive them," explains Givens. “People get hyped up talking about something that excites them, and that emotion gets transferred to the person they’re with.”
   
4. Master your eye movements
   
   Staring into someone’s eyes: It’s the oldest rule in the book. It indicates that you're confident, honest, and interested in this person—all of which can make a date’s heart skip a beat. And yet, it can be hard for daters to do this move with finesse. Don’t worry, no one’s asking you to engage in a staring contest. In the world of eye contact, less is more. "Don't immediately look away when feeling awkward,” says Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life. “Hold your date's gaze for one extra second—that's all you need to do.” If you’re having trouble, try shifting your attention to their eyebrows instead; it’s close enough that your date will still feel like you’re focused on him or her. Next, try this advanced technique: Let your gaze occasionally “dance” from one of your date’s eyes to the other, back and forth, which conveys excitement and creates a flirtatious mood.
   
5. Don't feel compelled to get touchy-feely
   
   Eventually, if all goes well, physical contact—hand-holding, hugging, kissing, and much racier stuff—will naturally happen and will cement a bond between you. But at this early stage, all too often it can backfire. If your date isn’t ready for contact yet—either stiffening when you move in or turning the dreaded cheek when you go for a kiss—it can be hard to recover your composure and the date’s good vibes. The key is to let your date know you’re “in like” but not push too hard on the physical front. Your best bet for your first encounter is something sweet but not gropey. If a handshake’s your style, put a cozy twist on it by clasping your date’s palm in one hand and putting your other hand on top, warmly encircling their wrist. Or, try a seamless handshake-to-hug combo by grasping your date’s hand, pulling him or her slightly toward you and encircling your other arm around your date’s torso. To further cut the tension, say something like, “I had such a great time and am so glad we did this.” And unless you’re getting clear signs your date’s dying to be kissed—as in, he or she remains in your personal space with a smile and lots of direct eye contact—resist the urge to plant one on the lips or even the cheek. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time for that later. And hey, you’re always better off leaving your date with something to look forward to.
   By Matt Schneiderman

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